I woke up in excruciating pain...the kind of pain that involved my whole body feeling like I had just done some extreme sport. I decided to take some
Motrin and have a hot shower and then see how I felt. I REALLY really wanted to go to church today. That's really the only thing I had in my agenda. While mid way through my shower Makayla decides she needs to join me. So much for the relaxation I was looking for. I started to feel chilled in the tub so got out and put on a sweater and sweats. I watched some tv with Britt and then decided to go lay down. As soon as I was in my room Makayla was freaking out and wanted me. Britt helped calm her and I was able to get some rest. I still felt terrible when I woke up and may have had a small
Meltdown. I HATE feeling so run down and crappy. The day just continues to be one of the "blah" and "bawling" days. Makayla hit me right in the eye with a toy, the house is a disaster, there are no groceries, everyone is over tired and grumpy,...and it goes on and on.
I don't want this blog to be a Debbie downer, but I want it to be real. Sometimes I have days where I wonder what I'm doing wrong or why I'm being punished...I'm so done with being in pain. I'm done with the depression, and everything else that comes with being in constant pain.
The most frustrating part of today was missing church. I HONESTLY AND TRULY want to go to church. I want to take Makayla to church. I want to be a better person and do a better job at my calling and give more service, have more friends, feel like a part of the ward and all the things that go along with being a good Christian..but how do I do those things when I can barely get out of bed or dressed because I'm in so much pain? How do I do that? How can I persue the true desires of my heart when my physical body is not co operating?
